10/6/18 Post-chemo day update

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Dear Family and Friends,

Why am I in my pajamas looking out at the beautiful, sunny fall day instead of out walking in it?  Because it’s the day after chemo and a nauseous stomach requires being still.  I had great counts for chemo day—strong neutrophils (white cells that fight infection), strong platelets (that clot blood), and my hematocrit was 27 (if it drops two more points I will get a transfusion), but this is enough red blood cells to allow me to walk 2-3 miles on the flat—just no hills or stairs. 

I was very tired arriving at chemo at 8:30 AM yesterday and my sweet chemo nurse, Jocelyn, gave me a private room with a bed!  I didn’t even mind that Daniel beat me at Scrabble, I was just so happy to be lying down! 

Best news of all is my CA-125 tumor marker dropped from 700 to 452!  We need to get it to 35 or under, so we have a long way to go, but having started at 3,000, we are making great progress!  And one more piece of good news—I went to get my fluid drained from my abdomen this week and they said there wasn’t enough to drain!  This means my liver tumor is shrinking and not making as much fluid anymore.  Hooray!

On another note, my family and I went through a difficult thing this week.  We had a dreaded family meeting.  When our kids were little, all you needed to fill them with fear was to tell them we were going to have a family meeting!  This one was probably the hardest one ever, because we wanted to go over “final things” so that we can be prepared for when my time comes. 

My goal is to die at home with the help of Providence Hospice and my core team—Steve, Renée, Riley, and Daniel (plus Adrienne if she’s here).  We will enjoy Christian music and hymns, soft lighting, prayers, Frasier episodes, and a pastor visit.  We will entertain limited visits from my closest friends and family when I feel up to it.  And of course, we will be glad to hit the morphine pump when pain dictates we do so!

We also went over final documents like wills, powers of attorney, health care directives, beneficiary designation forms, how to pay different bills, etc.  Lastly, I have made DVDs for Steve, Renee, Daniel and Jericho, which are kept with my will.  I think they will love having some final words from me (with perhaps some dances and singing thrown in just for fun)! 

After the family meeting, we needed a little lightening up, so we drove out to Snohomish for some mini golf.  The wind across the flats definitely let us know that summer has given way to fall.  It was a fun way to cap off a stressful afternoon, even if Steve's little pink golf ball needed a few more strokes than Daniel’s blue one to find the holes. 

I hope you and your family don’t need a dreaded family meeting anytime soon!  But it does feel better knowing we are all on the same page with my wishes and are somewhat prepared for when the time comes.  Hopefully, thanks to your prayers and God’s mercy, that time will be a LONG time from now! 

I will close with this writing I love by Anne Lamott:  “Grief is holy ground.  Death is as sacred as birth.  Don’t worry!  Almost every single death is easy and gentle with the very best people surrounding you for as long as you need or want.  You won’t be alone.  They’ll help you cross over to Heaven that awaits you.  When all is said and done, we’re really all just walking each other home.” 

Well, back to my resting.  I have to be rested before Jericho comes tomorrow.  We will take him to Sunday school, then work on biking without training wheels (!), and as a reward, he gets to help bake pumpkin bars with cream cheese icing and little candy corn pumpkins on top.  A great day will be had by all!

With love and gratitude,

Gabrielle

Butternut squash and spinach enchiladas at Cactus!  We boated over to the one in Kirkland.

My boating/eating partners!

Posing by our favorite animal sculpture--rabbits!

Daniel's homemade fresh raspberry lemon cupcakes. The icing is his homemade lemon curd and mascarpone.  Delicious!

Jericho feeding ducks at Green Lake!

Lots of little friends.

Daniel and I made homemade ravioli this week.  Two kinds--cheeses and sundried tomatoes in pink sauce and butternut squash and browned butter with sage.

Mini golf in the freezing wind!

Quick--get me to the warm car with the heated seats!  Daniel won!

In goes Jericho! 

Riley didn't think this lavender bridesmaid dress would look good on her, but she is lovely as always!

My greatest life's achievement was raising these two amazing young adults!

9/16/18 Provider Fatigue

Dear Friends and Family,

I’ve been busy lately with what Steve terms “provider fatigue.”  In the past two weeks I’ve been in the ER twice, had a surgery to put in a new chemo port on my right side after the one on the left side became infected and had to be removed, had a chest x-ray, have had a long needle suck out fluid that has built up on my abdomen, and of course, have had chemo.  If I never had to visit a doctor, dentist, surgeon, or radiologist again, I would be a happy camper.

After Friday’s chemo I was terribly sick.  Nausea, diarrhea, stomach pain, etc. I get depressed and reflective on these bad days, wondering if the joy in my life outweighs the suffering.  Yesterday, the answer would have been no.  But today, I woke up feeling better, able to eat. Steve, Daniel, Renee, Riley, and Jericho are all here, building a lego airport, after which we will head to the park for a bit before naptime.  Today has a good amount of joy—hopefully enough to see me through the next lousy day.   “Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

I have had a total of five chemos in this round and my tumor marker has dropped from 3000 (a truly terrifying number) to 703.  This is great news, but it needs to continue dropping a lot in order for me to actually feel better in my day to day life.  I do not know if God has a remission in mind for me or if through the suffering He is preparing me for Heaven where “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed.” Rev. 21:4  What tremendous hope the future holds for all who belong to Jesus.

Thank you to all who pray for my family and me.  And to those who have made us the best soup and chicken divan, who have sent cards that cheer me and have dropped by flowers and treats.  I love you all for standing with us in the hardest battle of our lives.

Love,

Gabrielle

Waiting patiently for swim lesson.

Spinach, cheese, bean quesadilla and apples for lunch.  He likes to announce "I'm a spinach man now!"

First day of Sunday School deserves a chocolate donut.

Seattle Storm Fever!

Long walk at Discovery Park

Just finished her other book, The Great Alone, and now I'm on to The Nightingale.

Daniel has perfected my grandma's popovers!  Yummo!

9/1/18 Another chemo bites the dust

Dear family and friends,

Yep, it’s me again, Steve.  Gabrielle is still licking her wounds from the sound thrashing I gave her in Scrabble yesterday…OK, so I only won by three points, but it still was nice to see the bold “Steve has won the game!” along with a bunch of flashing stars around my name on that final screen.  Guess I won’t be trying to hide the game next outing!

But, more importantly, Gabrielle had another chemo session yesterday.  We have settled into a routine in which she gets chemo (Taxol) two Fridays in a row, followed by two weeks off, and then we start all over again.  She tolerates the chemo relatively well, but is getting the expected side effects of nausea, fatigue, nerve pain and decreased immune system—all of which she takes in stride, and also give me a very slight (not much) twinge of guilt for beating her in Scrabble.  

Once home, we settled in to watch the Tom Hanks movie Captain Phillips with Daniel and Adrienne, about a cargo ship getting hijacked off the coast of Somalia.  For the next hour after the movie ended, I walked around saying, “Look at me! I’m the captain now!”  and “No, games, Irish!  I’m the captain now!”  If those references are lost on you, well then you will just have to see the movie.  Apparently, Adrienne thinks I am quite good at impressions and has now added a Somali pirate to the list of people she thinks I have nailed which includes, but is not limited to Ice T, Steve Irwin, Barney the purple dinosaur and Sean Connery.  She hasn’t seen my Dr. House impression yet.  Am saving that one for later.

I am pleased to report that the chemo clearly seems to be helping.  Her jaundice has cleared up, along with her puffy feet and she generally feels better.  However, she is still collecting fluid in her abdomen and needs to get it drained about every 10 days or so.  Like everything, she is even competitive in that and was disappointed that last time, they only got 2 liters out, whereas the time before they drained 2.5 liters.  To me, in this situation, less if better.

She is just conquering a bladder infection and has been able to cut back from two antibiotics to one.  Also, although this upcoming week is an “off week”, chemo-wise, she still has some doctor visits: one to the dermatologist for a persistent rash, another to check on her old port site which is still draining after being surgically removed two months ago, and one final visit to get a new port put in.  That last one, about getting a new port is nice, it will make getting chemo much easier again.  For the past four sessions, she has not had the power port and they have had to start IV’s each time which can take a while.  It was almost an hour to get the last one started.

So, all in all, we’re managing relatively well in the Dudley/Ice T/Captain Phillips/Barney household.  A final phrase from the movie that we tell each other when cancer is beating us down is this one:  "Everything's gonna be ok, Irish."  

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Phil. 4:6-7

Love,

Steve (& Gabrielle)

Reneé looking elegant as she prepares to officiate the wedding of her friends, Dani and Jeff, at the Beacon Hill Winery in Oregon.

I want a donut wall in my house!

Dani and Jeff, first dance!

After seeing that donut wall, we had to swing through Portland to get some of the best donuts in the world.

Daniel and me on a walk by the sea.

Adrienne, Daniel, and me hitting up the Maltby Cafe for breakfast!

I am on a quest to find the best berry milkshake in Seattle, after having an amazing one at the Tillamook Cheese Factory.  First try--Red Mill Burgers.  Seven out of ten.

Steve can't figure out why he keeps running out of shaving cream!

My beautiful daughters!

Dani's Mom, Joan, made a beautiful mother of the bride.  

8/25/18 A+ visit yesterday!!

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Dear Friends and Family,

Steve here.  Yesterday was another chemo day.  We have gotten into a pretty set routine with these days.  It goes like this:  

1.  Before chemo appointment, I usually race around the house collecting things for the upcoming long day and stuff them into my backpack.  Essential items include crossword puzzle, snacks, bottled water.  I try and surreptitiously leave Scrabble out, but Gabrielle always asks for it, and “forgetting” isn’t an option, so it goes in the bag as well.

2.  I then start pestering Gabrielle that it is time to go, but she always tells me to chill, that we have plenty of time.  We usually reach a compromise on when she would like to leave and when I want to (allowing for traffic).  We then argue halfway down I-5 on which exit to take: opt for side streets or “punch it out on the main line”.  If Daniel is along, he usually chimes in with his Google Maps advice on the quickest way, which I ignore about 95% of the time (what does it know??).  

3.  Gabrielle gets her labs drawn and then kills time for an hour waiting for them to be processed, often with a walk along the Montlake Cut.

4.  Meets with either the nurse practitioner or the ob-gyn fellow to go over the labs and discuss how things are going.

5.  If all the labs look fine, then chemo is a “go” and we wait for the pharmacy to mix up the meds before it drips in.

That’s how it went yesterday, but Daniel was the one who took her while I slipped off to work.  At the visit with the nurse practitioner, Gabrielle learned that her labs were “A plus!.” Her liver tests, which had been quite elevated had all dropped to “almost normal,” and other labs looked good too.  She was quite pleased with Gabrielle’s progress and how she is feeling.  The only test that hadn’t come back was the tumor marker, CA-125, but ARNP Diane said that she would track Gabrielle down in chemo and give her the results.

As a matter of background, this was in the mid 100’s when she was diagnosed and then dropped, then rose, then rose some more.  Earlier this summer it quickly went from 400 to 800.  A few weeks back, it spiked even more ominously all the way up to over 3,300!  Not a good sign, not by a longshot. 

Midway through chemo, Diane showed up with a huge smile on her face with the news that this had dropped by over 2,000 points to just over 1,000!  What a wonderful bit of news that was!  We are all so happy that the Taxol is knocking the tumors back.

But this round of chemo is also pretty rough on her.  Hair is falling out in clumps, and as I write this, Daniel is dusting off his barber skills and finishing the job, getting rid of the wayward tufts of hair.  It is hard on her stomach as well with alternating bouts of bloating and constipation.  She still is collecting abdominal fluid and needed to go in and have it drained again this week.

But do you think all of this would slow her down?  Not a chance!  Two days ago, we went for a day trip to Whidbey Island, and she walked for an hour at a beautiful spot called Ebey’s Landing.  And in half an hour, we will leave for a wedding in the greater Portland area in which Renée is officiating.  You go, girl!

All in all, we are quite pleased with her progress, a far cry from how she was feeling just a few weeks ago.  To me, it is an answer to prayer, and the medicines too, of course.  Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go pack.  I might accidentally leave Scrabble behind.  As for the crossword puzzle, I almost have last Sunday’s NY Times done, but am stumped on: “box of 12 question marks?”: four letters: J, blank, blank, Y.  Any ideas? 

Love,

Steve

Re-charging our souls at Canon Beach!