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Merry Christmas to all!
Gabrielle here with the latest updates in my cancer
journey. I am at chemo right now with
Steve getting my second dose of a long-shot drug called pemetrexed (common name
Alimta.) It was designed to treat lung
cancer but has a 10-20% response rate for ovarian cancer patients.
A big problem I have is continual build-up of fluid in my
abdomen, ankles, feet and legs. They
stick a big needle in my side and drain the fluid. I had 5-1/2 liters drained last week and four
liters drained this week and have to wear compression knee socks. Sometime in this coming week they will insert
a plex catheter in my side so that I can open the spigot and take off a liter
of fluid at home every day so it doesn’t grow into such a lot of fluid that it
adds to my abdominal and back pain. We
are working on lessening stomach, back, and foot/ankle/leg pain so I can resume
normal 1 hour walks. Yesterday, I did a
30 minute walk which is a start!
I have had some bouts of explosive diarrhea, which keeps me
pretty close to home many days, but we tested it and are grateful it’s not
C.diff, a nasty colon infection. Thank
you Lord! And it is going away at last.
Our focus right now is treating symptoms and pain in an
effort to have as good a quality of life as I can. Lately I’ve been a bit down, feeling like suffering
is outweighing joy. When you feel like
that, it is hard to keep fighting.
I do have a strong feeling that this is my last year (or
several months) of life on this earth.
Have been thinking about lasts—and firsts. Last Christmas—the beauty of the tree at
night with the lights off, Steve’s Christmas breakfast caramel pecan rolls.
Last anniversary (on the 18th—36 years). Last New Year’s Eve, last birthdays—will I
make it to my 59th on Feb. 18?
Will I make it to April 1 for Daniel’s 29th? Etc.
But then I’m thinking about firsts. First step into heaven, meeting Jesus and
being greeted by all my Christian friends who arrived before me. First days of no pain, no tears or sadness,
and exploring all the glorious beauty there that awaits me. No more medicines or pokes or chemo or scans
and procedures.
We are are not sending Christmas cards this year, as we are
vastly simplifying Christmas because of all we have going on. So let me send our warmest Christmas wishes
for a celebration focused on Jesus, who came to save us, who never leaves us or
forsakes us such that we are never alone—even through cancer, and other
sufferings, such as grief over the death of a loved one—we can remind ourselves
that we are not alone. Our Heavenly Father walks in front of us, the Holy
Spirit is behind us, and Jesus is by our side.
Thank you for your love and prayers. You are dear to us. May your Christmas be filled with Joy. Immanuel—he is with us!
Love,
Gabrielle