2/5/13 Thankful heart

Dear family and friends,

Gabrielle here.  Today I have a thankful heart for many blessings.  Here are some of the blessings of the last two days.

Yesterday, I received a surprise visit from my tennis friend who now lives in Arizona--Sophia.  She brought me a beautiful, cheery decorative pillow that says "smile."  It  makes me smile just to look at it!  I also received two great cards yesterday and four great cards today!  Going to the mailbox is a highlight of each day!

Two nights ago I didn't sleep well and so yesterday I was dragging.  But last night--I think I slept an entire eight hours!  Today I have felt better and have had a good day (something I wasn't sure was possible while undergoing treatment for cancer).  I awoke to no hair on my pillow, even though people say it will fall out any day now.  I have enjoyed looking at my hair today to memorize it!  Speaking of hair, Daniel went downtown today for a fancy haircut in preparation for his UW med school interview next Monday.  He looks fantastic and just like the most handsome young future doctor you could imagine.

A huge blessing of today aside from the cards, sleep, and hair, was a lunchtime visit from my dear friends Anna and Maribeth.  They brought yummy soup, two kinds, good bread and cheese, a caprese salad, and chocolate chip cookies that Maribeth's daughter, Anna, baked.  I ate a lot!  It was so good!  Despite having lost 2.5 pounds in the last three days, I am really trying to pack the food in on the weekdays as I get past the chemo weekends.  I plan to eat another of those cookies tonight after dinner.  But better than the good food was the conversation and prayer with my lovely friends.

Right as they were leaving, the vacuum cleaner repair man showed up.  As only God would have it, he was a very strong Christian!  He saw my "chemo zone" sign on the porch and immediately asked how I was feeling, and the talk turned to God.  We had much discussion about God's love and faithfulness to help us through the trials of life.  Who knew that good conversation would come from a broken vacuum button?! 

Another thing I'm thankful for was my walk today.  Daniel and I walked about 10-12 blocks (my farthest yet) and it included going up one very steep hill by Cristwood/King's.  It felt so good to be outside and to have better energy and less pain in my incision so I could walk farther.  On our walk, we ran into Karen--a friend of mine from King's and my Sunday school class at church.  Karen is a teacher at King's and when Daniel was in first grade, she stayed after school with him to help him learn to hold the pencil correctly so he could write more legibly.  Anyway, Karen is a cancer survivor!  We had a good talk about chemo and wigs and Jesus and hope.  God's perfect timing for that walk!

Let me close my message of thankfulness with a beautiful prayer my friend Helen sent me today.  Helen is another cancer survivor!!  Here is the prayer, and for any of you who need healing of body or spirit, I hope it will speak to you as it did to me:

A Prayer for Healing

Lord, You invite all who are burdened to come to You.  Allow your healing hand to heal me.  Touch my soul with Your compassion for others.  Touch my heart with Your courage and infinite love for all.  Touch my mind with Your wisdom, that my mouth may always proclaim Your praise.  Teach me to reach out to You in my need, and help me to lead others to You by my example.  Most loving Heart of Jesus, bring me health in body and spirit that I may serve You with all my strength.  Touch gently this life which You have created, now and forever.  Amen.

Love,
Gabrielle

p.s.  I forgot to mention the fantastic marijuana-themed gift basket that Anna and Maribeth brought me today.  It contained a hippie wallet with a picture of a VW bus and the words "weed money" on it, hemp rose soap, a mix tape made by Maribeth's daughter of all the stoner pot songs one could think of and lots of snack foods for when I get the munchies.  It was FANTASTIC!!!

2/5/13 Smooth sailing

Steve

Smooth sailing…at least for now.  Thankfully, not much is going on at present, so no big news to report.  Hair still where it belongs.  Appetite moderately good (still no interest in sweets), but still battling the nausea.  Pain is under pretty good control…the main area of concern is the abdominal port.  Walking a little more each day (singing “Feeling stronger every day” while she does it).  She and Daniel even went on an outing to U. Village where she bought four pairs of new reading glasses as the old ones weren’t quite strong enough.  No idea why that has changed. 

To borrow from that being on a sea voyage analogy, we seem to be enjoying a few days of calm sailing, though we have already weathered some storms and know that rougher seas lie ahead.  But we’ll take it.  Yesterday, Dr. Call, my practice partner told me of someone he knew who lost all his hair at about the two week mark.  Actually, he only lost the dark hair.  The gray hair hung on in there for a while.  If that’s Gabrielle’s case, any day now, she will be losing quite a bunch in a hurry, with maybe a solitary lone gray hair up top.  But we’re all set…the wig is due in on Friday and I’ve got the clippers all set so I can get a matching “do”. 

We keep getting encouraging cards in the mail and a few nice presents along the way.  There was another carton of fresh yogurt on the porch when I got up this morning.  Thanks, Mike!  Last night, we pulled out some chicken divan from the freezer that my patients, the Locks (getting good at HIPPA here…not their real last name) had sent over.  Quite tasty!  For dessert: ginger snickerdoodles, which were supposed to be all for Gabrielle, but I had one too.  Worked wonders on my appetite…am up two pounds.  So, all in all, we’re “steady as she goes”.  Will probably not post for a couple of days, till the next chemo session…unless something big happens.  That’s fine by me.

2/3/13 Sunday

Hi Friends!

Just a quick update to say that Gabrielle has had a nice mellow Sunday.  She's feeling so much better after the single dose of chemo than she did after the double dose last weekend.  Her nausea is under control and she's not too fatigued.  She and Daniel even got out for a walk at Richmond Beach today!  Her appetite is better this weekend too--we just ordered delicious Pagliacci pizza for dinner at Gabrielle's request.  We're happy to see that her weight is back up a couple pounds after she had dropped so low last week.

Gabrielle had a wonderful visit with her friend Sue this morning complete with scones and tea.  Our friend Dean joined us for pizza tonight and brought a flock of cheerful origami cranes that his son Ian made for Gabrielle.  We continue to feel so supported by our friends!

2/2/13 Happy Ground Hog Day

Steve

Happy Ground Hog Day!  As of this writing, I have no idea what’s been going on back in Punxsutawney, PA., home of that famous woodchuck who is so good at forecasting the weather.  But I can tell what we’ve been up to, in Shoreline, WA.  It’s pretty quiet around here.  Daniel has left for the gym.  Renee has left for a babysitting gig and Gabrielle is peacefully resting on the couch after her first big outing since all this began.  We actually went to a movie today: Argo.  It was great.  Spoiler alert….nah, just kidding…I won’t tell you about the movie, but we did indeed enjoy it.  At the start, I led Gabrielle past the snack bar and waved my arm in a sweeping motion is if I were pharaoh waving to his people.  I told Gabrielle, that she was my princess and that as a special treat, one time only, I would buy her anything she wanted: Dots, a hot dog (or two), “nachos” with that oh-so-tasty fake cheese, popcorn.  Didn’t get a nibble on any of it.  She just wanted to head in to the movie.  Shortly after sitting down, she whispered in my ear, “what’s that awful smell?”  It was fresh movie house popcorn two rows back and it smelled oh so tempting (at least to me).  Not to her.  She almost made us move farther away.  Yep, I guess that ol’ chemo can wreak havoc on your taste buds and the old schnozzola as well.

As I said, things are quiet around here, but we’ve got a rather strange sight out the window that I just have to tell you about.  It’s dark, but an eerie red glow is coming from a 12 foot tall inflatable Santa Claus from the house across the street.  He’s all lit up as if the house is still in the running for best Christmas décor on the block.  Everybody else around has taken their Christmas lights down.  I managed that feat last weekend in the rain.  Good timing.  The puzzling thing about this Santa fellow is that, honest to goodness, he wasn’t there yesterday, nor all season for that matter, as far as I can tell.  Why’d he show up now?  That’s what I’d like to know. 

Well, I’ve got my own theory:  Santa’s coming!  And he just had to wait till all the hoopla of Christmas with all its gaudy commercialization died down till he could make his appearance and deliver the goods.  And, boy has he come through for us, once again.  Take this afternoon for instance.  When we got home from the movie (you sure you don’t want me to let you know how the movie ends?), there was a wonderful meal waiting for us from Gabrielle’s friend Karen.  Thank you so much!  As soon as I’m done here, we’re going to dive into that chicken soup, salad, homemade bread and brownies.  Can’t wait…am writing as fast as I can.

Two days ago, we got a package in the mail.  It was from Janet in California and was full of all sorts of goodies which Gabrielle mentioned in a previous post.  What she didn’t mention was that one of the items that Janet sent was a bag of dried up green stuff.  I got home just as Gabrielle had finished chopping it up and smoking some of it.  She looked rather disappointed that she was still nauseous.  To add insult to injury, she was turning several shades of green herself.  I took a look at the stuff and told her it wasn’t the much coveted medical marijuana but kale chips. Just as well.  Who needs it, when you’ve got healthy stuff like kale and chicken soup to nosh on?  Just kidding…this is a non-smoking, non-doped up house! 

I got an e-mail from a kindly patient today, N. (no HIPPA violations for me...who knows, it may not even be his or her real initial), who sent along an Amazon gift card.  I also had a great visit with my mom today who showered me with warmth, a meat pie from the British pastry shop and hot coffee (actually didn't shower in it, that was a figure of speech).  It was relaxing sitting by her fire and having a chance to just unwind.  Oh, and she assured me there is no burn ban, so if the feds come, she made me light the fire, honest.  Older brother John's on the other side of the state, so I can't blame him like I prefer to do.  So many people have been so nice to us. 

But, back to Gabrielle’s health, which is the real reason we’re keeping this blog going.  Today’s been pretty good.  Diarrhea is slowing way down and we got a call from Dr. Sato that she does not have C. diff, which is a huge answer to prayer.  Also, since she only had one medicine in the chemo session yesterday, she is not feeling as lousy as last Saturday about this time.  So, that’s two sessions down, 16 to go. 

Now, if I can just keep Gabrielle from smoking the rest of the kale, I think I will put some of Orville Redenbacher’s “Movie Time” popcorn into the microwave just to tempt her a little more, gets those gastric juices flowing…

2/1/13 Day 8

Dearest family and friends,

Gabrielle here.  First of all, a correction!  Yesterday was not day zero!  Apparently you don't go back to zero until your 21 day cycle is up.  They think of it in six 21-day cycles.  So yesterday was day seven and today is day 8.  Good.  Got that cleared up!

Let's start with the good news!  My counts were good enough for me to get chemo #2 today!  And chemo #2 was only half as long as chemo #1 since it was only in my shoulder port through my veins, not the second drug in my abdominal cavity.  I am so happy to have two down and "only" 16 to go!

More good news.  I still have my hair.  :-)  As I was blow drying it this morning I said to the Lord--I'm sorry for all the times I've complained about my hair this past year.  It felt like a "bad hair year" where I just couldn't style it right very often.  Now I'm just glad to have it for however much longer it remains! 

Other good news would be the sunshine!  I loved my outdoor walk in the neighborhood today with no rain and a beautiful sunset sky.  And of course, there were the kindnesses.  So many kindnesses day after day from all of you.  Today our friends Jan and Bill brought us homemade Vietnamese style pho soup for dinner!  Fantastic and healthy!  The cherry pie for dessert in honor of it being president's month today is maybe not so healthy, but delicious.  I also received several encouraging cards today including one from a friend who is in her upper 80's and has recently battled life-threatening pneumonia.  And she said "they say I can drive again soon and so just call me anytime and I'll take you anywhere you need to go or come help in any way."  Another card contained an Amazon gift card!  How wonderful for buying books for my kindle and other things I get on Amazon like ginger capsules for nausea.  And a card from one of my SPU donor/friends offered to bring us Black Pearl Chinese dinner whenever I feel up for it!  I LOVE Black Pearl!  Each card I receive is such a blessing and is a bright spot in what can otherwise be long, dull days.  So thank you all so much!  Also...just remembered...I brushed with my new Sonicare from John and Sally (our "Tooth Number 4" prayer warrior) today.  It's amazing!  Such clean teeth!  Hopefully my smile will dazzle you when you visit me.  :-)

On the slightly worse news side, I am battling very bad diarrhea.  Sorry to say that word in writing.  Gross.  It "could" be from the antibiotic I'm taking, or on the worse side, it could be a bacterial infection that is kind of bad that you can get when on antibiotics and with a lowered immune system called Clostridium difficile, or C. diff for short.  So as we speak tonight, the lab at NW Hospital is figuring that out for me.  Please pray that it isn't C. diff or if it is, that the new antibiotic they will switch me too will be able to kill it even with my lowered immune system.  And pray the diarrhea STOPS!  One other tiny spot of potentially bad news is my hematocrit--amount of blood I'm making--is 28.5.  Normal range is 36-46, but my normal generally has hovered around 34 for years.  If it sinks to the low 20's I may need my first blood transfusion. 

Not sure what the weekend will be like.  Hopefully better than last weekend which was awful.  Thanks for your continued love and prayers.  Am excited soon to go tear one more link off our chemo chain of days.  One day at a time and God helps us through each one, sending love, kindnesses, peace, comfort, and letting us lean into His strength when ours is gone.  May He bless you and hold you close today as well.

Love,
Gabrielle

1/13/13 Day Zero

Hello friends and family,

Gabrielle here.  Today Daniel and I went to the wig shop!  We tried on lots of different ones and ended up with something pretty similar to my own hairstyle that will be ordered on Tuesday and arrive next Friday.  You won't see me in it too often.  I plan to mostly just wear scarves or hats, but figured the wig would come in handy if I go to the Symphony or something.  Renee bought me tickets to see Vivaldi's Four Seasons at Benaroya Hall in a couple of months.  That will be a wig-worthy event!

The good news/bad news of the day is that the one-day culture of the needle aspiration of the abdominal port showed no infection.  But the bad news is--Steve and I know it IS infected.  I am having fevers (two days straight) and it is painful and there is a huge red circle spreading from it.  He marked the circle with black ink and the date/time so we can watch it grow or shrink as I take these antibiotics. 

Today is considered day zero--the day before chemo.  I went ahead and took my day zero steroid dose to prepare for tomorrow, but am truly wondering if with an infection and fevers they will be able to give me chemo tomorrow.  Daniel and I will show up there at 10.  They will draw blood and send it to the lab. The doctor will look at my red skin and black ink artwork on my abdominal port and my record of fevers today and then will decide yes or no to chemo.  Please pray for this infection to go away soon!  For the doctor to figure it out and for the antibiotics to work.  Pray they won't have to surgically remove this port, let the infection heal, and put in another one on the other side.  These are my little worries of the day today, but am casting these cares on God who cares for us.  (1 Peter 5:7...I think!)

Lastly, for the blessings of today (besides the new wig).  Today we were showered with kindnesses YET AGAIN.  My friend Lynette showed up for a visit with beautiful peach roses and a frozen lasagne for our freezer.  Our friends Howard and Nancy made us delicious pasta for dinner tonight which Howard delivered around 5:30 PM today.  Did I mention yesterday that Mike and Colleen brought us a quart of homemade yogurt and will continue that each week?!  And today I received six of the sweetest, most encouraging cards from friends at church, SPU, King's, and Steve's work.  Oh--and last but NOT least, my college friend Janet and her husband Tracy from California mailed me a care package!!  It contained homemade ginger cookies (ginger is good for nausea), kiwis, lemons, and meyer lemons that they and their neighbor grow, kale chips, a blue head wrap/scarf, and a sweet card (which would make card #7 today). 

I wish each of us could always feel as loved as I feel right now--by God and our family and friends.  Thank you all SO much for the love, kindnesses, and prayers to God who is the Great Physician.

Love,
Gabrielle

P.S.  Today I tried a WHOLE dropperful of the "daytime" marijuana essence for nausea.  Still nothing.  Tomorrow I'll try the nighttime one which is more potent, though it may make me sleepy.  Better sleepy than nauseous!

P.P.S.  They said you can lose your sweet tooth during chemo--and they are right!  Those of you who know me know I live for good chocolate and desserts.  Not anymore.  This is truly the Twilight Zone of my life!  My house is filled with Fran's and Theo and See's Chocolates, along with homebaked goods from friends--and I just can't do it!  AAAAAHHHHHHH!  Torture!  :-)

1/30/13 Wednesday evening

Steve

Wednesday evening update.  On the plus side, Gabrielle is finding that, just as predicted, her nausea has been improving little by little and has not needed to resort to any sorts of formerly illegal substances to achieve that goal.  Chef Daniel made amazing spaghetti and meatballs with green beans and French bread last night that Gabrielle pretty much inhaled.  And right now, he is out in the kitchen whipping up some squash ginger soup (with nary a cookbook in sight…the kid is amazing!)  As an aside, where the old man failed, Renee came through for Gabrielle and came up with tincture of THC from good ol’ Fweedom on Aurora.

 [Oh, I have to brag about Renee too…two days ago, she handed me a present that took quite a bit of searching…my very own kintsugi bowl!!!  I love it!  She said they are actually quite hard to find and ended up getting this one out of Japan.  I have it on the mantel and keep some of my favorite pieces of beach glass in it.  As is apparent, I am increasingly drawn to broken things.]

My kintsugi bowl!

Daniel is cooking us dinner tonight!

But back to Gabrielle…

On the down side, her abdominal port has continued to give her grief.  Yesterday, she was on a loading dose of IV antibiotics and has been taking Augmentin since then.  But with worsening pain, a quick call to Dr. M.’s office this morning resulted in moving up the planned abdominal ultrasound from tomorrow to this morning.  After seeing the ultrasound report, Dr. M., decided that she wanted a needle aspiration of some fluid around the port, so then it was back to the IR department (IR: interventional radiology) for the procedure.  The nice radiologist (Dr. Joseph) showed the future Dr. Daniel what he was doing and let him get a nice and close look of the whole process.  Now, part of Gabrielle’s abdominal fluid is sitting in a petri dish to see if anything worrisome will grow.  The preliminary report looks good, as the gram stain (initial microscopic look see) didn’t show any organisms.  This is good news as it means that she is on track to get her next chemo treatment in two days. 

Her abdominal pain has been getting worse, and Gabrielle has been back on the pain meds (which she had been off of for several days).  So, it’s one of those three steps forward, two steps back days.  That’s two days in a row of spending more time at the hospital. Tomorrow: lab test to see how the blood count is doing.  If that is fine, then round two of chemo for Friday.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be less eventful than the past couple of days.

Gabrielle's mother, Gloria, just stopped by for a quick visit to check on her baby.  In the midst of the conversation, Gabrielle talked to her about cancer with amazing words of wisdom, peace and clarity of mind:

"You know, at first, I thought that it's a bummer to get cancer.  But then I thought, 'lot's of people get cancer all the time', so why should I expect to escape it?  As a matter of fact, why not me?  I'm strong.  I have a strong faith.  We all have a strong faith.  I have a great family and a terrific support team.  Why not me, that's what I figure.  Better me than some other folks who don't have all that going for them".  And that's the kind of attitude that Gabrielle has going into this thing.  Watch out, cancer!  You've got a formidable foe to contend with.

Prayers for today, should you feel so inclined:  improved abdominal pain, good blood test tomorrow, and continued stamina for what promises to be a long, arduous process.  And, of course, prayers of thanks for our wonderful kids, family and all of you for your support.  No hyperbole here, we couldn’t do it without you.