We Love Gabrielle: 9/16/18 Provider Fatigue

Dear Friends and Family,

I’ve been busy lately with what Steve terms “provider fatigue.” In the past two weeks I’ve been in the ER twice, had a surgery to put in a new chemo port on my right side after the one on the left side became infected and had to be removed, had a chest x-ray, have had a long needle suck out fluid that has built up on my abdomen, and of course, have had chemo. If I never had to visit a doctor, dentist, surgeon, or radiologist again, I would be a happy camper.

After Friday’s chemo I was terribly sick. Nausea, diarrhea, stomach pain, etc. I get depressed and reflective on these bad days, wondering if the joy in my life outweighs the suffering. Yesterday, the answer would have been no. But today, I woke up feeling better, able to eat. Steve, Daniel, Renee, Riley, and Jericho are all here, building a lego airport, after which we will head to the park for a bit before naptime. Today has a good amount of joy—hopefully enough to see me through the next lousy day. “Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

I have had a total of five chemos in this round and my tumor marker has dropped from 3000 (a truly terrifying number) to 703. This is great news, but it needs to continue dropping a lot in order for me to actually feel better in my day to day life. I do not know if God has a remission in mind for me or if through the suffering He is preparing me for Heaven where “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed.” Rev. 21:4 What tremendous hope the future holds for all who belong to Jesus.

Thank you to all who pray for my family and me. And to those who have made us the best soup and chicken divan, who have sent cards that cheer me and have dropped by flowers and treats. I love you all for standing with us in the hardest battle of our lives.

Love,

Gabrielle