12/13/18 Merry Christmas 2018

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Merry Christmas to all!

Gabrielle here with the latest updates in my cancer journey.  I am at chemo right now with Steve getting my second dose of a long-shot drug called pemetrexed (common name Alimta.)  It was designed to treat lung cancer but has a 10-20% response rate for ovarian cancer patients. 

A big problem I have is continual build-up of fluid in my abdomen, ankles, feet and legs.  They stick a big needle in my side and drain the fluid.  I had 5-1/2 liters drained last week and four liters drained this week and have to wear compression knee socks.  Sometime in this coming week they will insert a plex catheter in my side so that I can open the spigot and take off a liter of fluid at home every day so it doesn’t grow into such a lot of fluid that it adds to my abdominal and back pain.  We are working on lessening stomach, back, and foot/ankle/leg pain so I can resume normal 1 hour walks.  Yesterday, I did a 30 minute walk which is a start!

I have had some bouts of explosive diarrhea, which keeps me pretty close to home many days, but we tested it and are grateful it’s not C.diff, a nasty colon infection.  Thank you Lord!  And it is going away at last.

Our focus right now is treating symptoms and pain in an effort to have as good a quality of life as I can.  Lately I’ve been a bit down, feeling like suffering is outweighing joy.  When you feel like that, it is hard to keep fighting.

I do have a strong feeling that this is my last year (or several months) of life on this earth.  Have been thinking about lasts—and firsts.  Last Christmas—the beauty of the tree at night with the lights off, Steve’s Christmas breakfast caramel pecan rolls.

Last anniversary (on the 18^th—36 years).  Last New Year’s Eve, last birthdays—will I make it to my 59^th on Feb. 18?  Will I make it to April 1 for Daniel’s 29^th?  Etc.

But then I’m thinking about firsts.  First step into heaven, meeting Jesus and being greeted by all my Christian friends who arrived before me.  First days of no pain, no tears or sadness, and exploring all the glorious beauty there that awaits me.  No more medicines or pokes or chemo or scans and procedures.

We are are not sending Christmas cards this year, as we are vastly simplifying Christmas because of all we have going on.  So let me send our warmest Christmas wishes for a celebration focused on Jesus, who came to save us, who never leaves us or forsakes us such that we are never alone—even through cancer, and other sufferings, such as grief over the death of a loved one—we can remind ourselves that we are not alone. Our Heavenly Father walks in front of us, the Holy Spirit is behind us, and Jesus is by our side.

Thank you for your love and prayers.  You are dear to us.  May your Christmas be filled with Joy.  Immanuel—he is with us!

Love,

Gabrielle