2/25/19 Memorial Speech by Renée

Memorial Speech by Renée:

I have a piece of advice for all the parents in the room: try not to be too good of a parent. If you're an amazing parent, it makes this part so much worse for your kids.

So don't be a constant source of encouragement, wisdom, and unconditional love to your kids.

Don't balance your impressive career with your family life so that you can be at all of your kids' plays and concerts. Don't spend every weekend taking your kids on bike rides or hikes or showing them 90s thrillers.

Don't give excellent career advice to them and to many of their friends. Don't teach them about Roth IRAs or how to give a good, solid handshake or how to write a compelling cover letter.

Don't make your home a welcoming haven to all of your kids' friends.

And if your daughter comes out of the closet, don't put on a rainbow umbrella hat and feather boa and march in the Pride Parade with her, don't welcome her wife into the family like she's your own daughter, and definitely don't host an LGBTQ support group at your house or boldly advocate for equal rights within the Church.

Especially don't model faith and service to your kids, and don't pray for them every day.

My mom did all of those things, and that makes her absence so difficult for us to bear.

For thirty years, I had the most incredible mom. She had countless qualities that I hope to emulate, but if I had to name the one trait that most defined her, it would be courage. She liked the quote by Maya Angelou that said "I am convinced that courage is the most important of all the virtues. Because without courage, you cannot practice any other virtue consistently. It is only with courage that you can be persistently kind and generous and fair." 

My mom didn't just know Jesus--she also had the courage to be like Him and share His love even when it was hard.

She was brave about speaking up for justice, even when she risked alienation. 

She had the courage to reach out and connect with countless people that she encountered, showing kindness and empathy no matter how crummy she herself was feeling at the moment.

She also had the courage to be introspective, to learn, to evolve in her theology, and to admit when she was wrong (though she wasn't often wrong).

She bravely leaned into her faith even when things got very hard; she courageously faced cancer with hope, humor, and remarkable joy.

But most importantly she was bold in sharing the source of her courage, writing in one of her last blog posts, "our Heavenly Father walks in front of us, the Holy Spirit is behind us, and Jesus is by our side."

She wasn't afraid of cancer or of dying. As she also said on her blog, "I know that what awaits me on the other side is more glorious than I can imagine."

One night when it was clear that she was in her final weeks, I asked her "Do you feel Jesus with you?" and she said, "Yes. I feel Him reaching His arms out to me." Then I told her "You've served Him more faithfully than anyone I know." And she said, "You too." She probably had to say that because she's my mom, but I hope I can live up to it.

I hope I can live up to her courage and her faith, and that, like her, I can be an awesome parent to my future kids--even if it makes this part really hard.