2/7/19 Obituary (and online guestbook reference)

A quick note to say that we are using Beck's Funeral Home in Edmonds.  They have posted her obituary there.  There is also a guest book ("tribute wall"), in which you can share memories or post comments: 

Gabrielle's Obituary

We will be running an obituary in the Seattle Times this Sunday (February 10).

In case you don't want to go to Beck's website (or wait till Sunday), here it is here.  However, you need to go to Beck's website to write on the "tribute wall".

                                   Gabrielle DUDLEY

Gabrielle Dudley (née Miller), age 58, passed away on Jan. 31 from ovarian cancer, stepping out of time and into eternity with her Creator. No doubt she had a grand reception, waltzing right into the loving arms of her Savior, Jesus Christ, whom she served so faithfully throughout her life. Her mantra was “eyes on Jesus” as she fought cancer with courage and stamina. She wrote openly and inspirationally through her blog (WeLoveGabrielle.blogspot.com). She leaves a huge void in the lives of her husband of 36 years, Dr. Steve Dudley, daughter Renée (Riley) Dudley, son Dr. Daniel Dudley, sisters Marti (Merle) Reeder and Xan Kristjansson, along with a host of extended family and friends.
She grew up on Queen Anne hill, where she showed her precocious confidence and courage in such acts as stopping the school bully and protesting the "no pants for girls" rule at her elementary school. At Queen Anne High she excelled in academics and sports. She then went on to graduate from Seattle Pacific University. In 1978 she met a college dropout on the Seattle waterfront and argued with him about the merits of higher education. Using her powers of persuasion, she convinced him to return to school. He was a hard sell, but Gabrielle--being who she was--persisted and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse: she’d foot the bill, house and feed him, marry him, and give him the two greatest kids in the world. Together they embarked on a grand adventure, creating a loving home that was warm and welcoming to all. Along the way, she swapped her pigtails and overalls for professional business attire and had a stellar career in planned giving and development. She raised tens of millions of dollars for institutions such as UW, WSU, Seattle Children’s Hospital, and SPU. At Children’s, she pioneered the major gifts program and raised money for both research and patient care. She was so successful that when her children were young they drew a cartoon for her office door warning people to “stay away unless you're prepared to write a big check to Children’s." She was a mentor to others in the field, and many former colleagues trace their beginnings to the nurturing she gave them. Gabrielle was also a bold social justice advocate. She was a stand-in mom to many young LGBTQ people and an invaluable encourager to anyone who needed extra support.

Gabrielle loved Jesus, Cannon Beach, great food, deep conversation, laughter, hiking, snowshoeing, boating, traveling, and snorkeling in Maui. She traipsed all over Europe with that same college dropout. She summited Mt. Rainier. She threw awesome parties and was a fiercely loyal friend. She will be forever missed, but always in our hearts.
A memorial service will be held on Feb. 23 at 1:00 PM at Phinney Ridge Lutheran Church. All are welcome.
In lieu of flowers, please consider donating to ovarian cancer research through a fund we have
set up for her at Fred Hutch:

engage.fredhutch.org/goto/gabrielle

Guest book at: becksfuneralhome.com

2/6/19 Memorial service updated time and other things

Hello, everyone.  
First of all, thanks so much for the outpouring of support with all your notes, kind words and assorted meals, baked goods and flowers.  It all means so much at such a difficult time.

Anyhow, I just wanted to give you an update on the memorial service.  The start time is now 1:00 PM, not the previously mentioned 2:00 PM.  Here are the details:

Date: 
Saturday, February 23, 2019

Time: 
1:00 PM

Place:
Phinney Ridge Lutheran Church
(7500 Greenwood Ave. N., Seattle)

We will have a service in the main sanctuary followed by a reception in the basement of the church with cookies and other light refreshments.

There is some parking in the church lot, but I have a hunch it may fill up quickly.  Street parking is in the neighborhood, but you may have to walk a couple of blocks.  Please allow time for that.  It is also on some major bus lines going down Greenwood Ave.  

Also, I wanted to let you know about an ovarian cancer fund that we have set up in Gabrielle's honor at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center (The Hutch) here in Seattle.  Gabrielle had a passion for advancing ovarian cancer research, as well as a passion for fund-raising.  As such, we like to think of this as her first fund raising job in heaven.  We are just her earthly emissaries!  Anyhow, if you have any interest in donating to the cause, or if you would like to learn more about ovarian cancer research, here is the link:

Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center's Gabrielle Dudley Memorial Page

Thanks,

Steve

2/3/19 Memorial service, save the date

Dear family and friends, 
We have set a date for Gabrielle's memorial service.  

Date:
Saturday, Feb. 23, 2019

Time:
Tentatively set for 1:00 PM, but this may change by an hour one way or the other. UPDATE: Official time is 1:00 at Phinney Ridge Lutheran Church. 

Place:
Phinney Ridge Lutheran Church
7500 Greenwood Ave N, Seattle, WA 98103

We will have the service in the sanctuary and then repair to the basement for a chance to chat, mingle, laugh, cry and maybe eat some food.  

As before, I would like to thank so many people for their love and support over the years, and especially in this past month.  

And now for a couple of pics:

1/31/19 Called home

Dear friends,
     It is with great sadness that I report that Gabrielle was called home early this morning just before 3:00.  Renee, Daniel and I were at her bedside as she passed.  We are all rejoicing that she is now free from suffering and the burdens that weighed her down during her cancer struggle.  I guess seeing last night's wonderful pink sunset was too enticing, so she just had to see what was behind the curtain.
     We take solace in the fact that she was a woman who had strong faith in Jesus Christ, love for her family and friends, and was someone who embraced life to the fullest, even in the midst of illness.  
     I will post details on her service as they develop.  Here's one of my favorite pictures of her (along with a special friend of hers).

Gabrielle Dudley

She fought the good fight.  And now there is in store for her a crown of righteousness, which the Lord will award to her.  It's going to have a lot of jewels in it!

1/30/19 Red sky at night, sailor's delight

     I am sitting in the bedroom alongside Gabrielle right now.  I briefly looked up and noticed the most amazing beautiful pink sky through the trees.  It's absolutely stunning.  I know.  By the time you read this, it will be gone.  Maybe there will be another pink sky tomorrow.  There's something about a pink sunset that cheers my heart.  Maybe it's because of that maritime saying: "red sky at night, sailor's delight; red sky at morn, sailors take warn".  I like to think that God is giving Gabrielle a foretaste of what's in store for her up yonder, a pulling back the curtains for a sneak preview, if you will.  
     Our bedroom setup is such that she is lying in bed, on her left side facing the windows looking to the south through a bunch of trees.  Even though we are surrounded by houses, the view from the bedroom is so peaceful: trees, pink skies.  She opens her eyes and looks off through the window, lost in thought, reflective.  So peaceful.  I take comfort in the fact that she is no longer restless.  She is breathing smoothly and without any effort.  
     She is so strong, such a champion. She has fought well.  Now the warrior is getting her much deserved, well-earned rest.  
Now the sailor is approaching that safe harbor.
     And that's pretty much it for now.  Thanks for checking in from time to time.  So many people have expressed been supportive of Gabrielle (and all of us) on this journey.  Thanks to all of her "shipmates" on this journey.

1/26/19 Settling down a bit

I think that Gabrielle is transitioning out of the “restless” phase into a deeper sleep.  Her breathing is smooth and steady, and she has been comfortable just remaining in bed, which is where she stayed all day yesterday.  It was the first day that she did not want to go downstairs and settle into her much beloved blue living room couch.  In keeping with the travel metaphor from before, I like to think that the past couple of days, she was bustling around the train station, getting ready for her trip.  Now she has boarded the train and has settled quite comfortably into her cabin on the train…first class, of course, with private attendant, no less! Rumor has it that she may be on her way to a gated community, adorned with pearls no less!  What’s not to like about that?

As for how all of us are holding up, I can only speak for myself.  The kids don’t like me to assume that I know what they are thinking, but I will say that it has been unbearably hard on all of us.  No doubt, the hardest thing any of us have had to go through.  They are holding up amazingly well, with grand servant hearts that make a father proud.  And their partners have been so helpful as well, so thanks to Riley and Adrienne! You are real gems!

I try and get out a little bit in between my time at home with Gabrielle.  I have popped into work from time to time, which helps center me in many ways.  I may go for a swim today.  It is sunny, after all.  To help process things, I am reading a short book by Henri Nouwen, who was a Catholic priest. It is a set of reflections on losing a significant relationship in his life. On the “lighter” side, I am also reading a Russian novel and one by Stephen King.  If I asked you to guess which one has the devil roaming the streets unchecked and features a black cat that rips someone’s head off, I’d bet you’d get it wrong.  That’s the Russian novel.  Reading a book like that makes my life look downright easy.  The Stephen King book is a departure from his horror books, which I don’t read.  This one is called Elevation and has been called “the feel good book of the year”. And that’s enough of Steve’s book reviews for now.

Daniel just spent the night on the floor next to Gabrielle and he texted me that he wants to get up so he can get some real sleep. So I guess I will wander upstairs with my Russian novel and relieve him.  Someone’s got to put the brakes on that black cat.  

Now here's someone who is all set for a tough day at the beach!  If I'm lucky, she's got the cat back in the bag.

1/24/19 Getting restless

      Gabrielle has entered a phase, which the hospice nurse calls terminal restlessness.  She will be lying quietly, as if she is sound asleep, and then sit bolt upright and want to move somewhere else.  She will move from the couch to the easy chair (with assistance, of course), and we get her all settled and tucked in.  She puts her head back and has a peaceful, dreamlike look on her face, but then literally two minutes later, she is on the move again.  Sometimes, she stays in one place for half an hour to an hour, but then shuffles around a bit.  Happily, these restless episodes are punctuated with periodic stretches of sleep lasting for several hours—usually on the living room couch, or in bed.  Right now, for example, she is asleep on the couch (it’s 7:45 AM), after a fairly restful night’s sleep. 

The hospice nurse mentioned that this is a fairly common phase that people in the terminal stages of life go through.  OK, I’ll say it: “people who are dying go through”. It’s hard to describe her in those terms, but clearly that’s the situation.  The nurse said that in this phase, people often talk about needing to find their keys, or pack their bags.  They mention that they are going somewhere. It’s almost as if that the need to get ready for a trip is a metaphor for life’s final journey.

As before, her pain appears to be under good control.  She still has no appetite, and it seems that the only liquids she wants are those to keep her mouth moist.  We accomplish this with small sips and also from those little pink sponges on a stick that hospitals love (no, we didn’t steal them…hospice gave them to us).  I don’t think she is suffering, and that’s so comforting to see.  I feel so blessed to have such great kids to help with Gabrielle.  It is also nice to know that there is such a great hospice team focused on making her remaining time with us as comfortable as possible.  She loves her home, and this is where she wants to be.  I find solace, in the midst of these dark times, that we are able to provide that for her.  It sure beats being in a hospital with tubes, IV machines beeping and people interrupting sleep at odd hours to get vitals or draw blood.  

In the time it took me to write these paragraphs, Gabrielle has sat upright at least ten times and has booted me out of the easy chair. Then she got up and moved to the other couch in the family room.  Earlier, when she was on the other couch and sat up, I sidled up next to her.  I put my arm around her and told her that I loved her while I stroked that cute head of hers (hair is coming back in).  I then said that Daniel was upstairs, out of sight and asked her if she wanted to do some smooching.  I got a little smile, in return, but no action.  I pecked her on the cheek and tucked her back in, where she stayed for a few minutes.

And now, just for fun, a couple of pictures from our trip to Greece in 2015:

I just love the idea of getting a "genuine fake"!  This was outside the place where the Virgin Mary is said to have spent her final years.  I wonder if they sold genuine fake Gucci sundials in her day?

Gabrielle "doing" Ephesus.  This is the main street, and I think that's the library in the background...one of the largest in the ancient world at the time.

On Mykonos.  What's in the bag, Gabrielle?

Just what I thought!  She let the cat out of the bag!

After a tough day of sightseeing and putting up with Steve's lame jokes, it is nice to repair to the lounge of our cruise ship.  Straight orange juice?  Hardly!  Mango margarita!